Don't Rain on My Parade
by oceanicsix
Summary: Sirius doesn't think he has any notable talents, so, naturally, he decides to try for Quidditch. Sirius/Remus, with the possibility of Sirius/James later on. Rated T, for cursing and eventual sexy times.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Rain on My Parade. (Likewise, Don't Burst My Bubble.) **

**A Sirius/Remus fic. Pure fluff, I really couldn't help myself. **

**Disclaimer: Again, dears, I must remind you that I am not J. K. Rowling. A fact that I am painfully reminded of every time I pick of one of her amazing, perfect books. **

"Remus, what are my talents?" a tiny voice asks from behind his issue of the _Daily Prophet_.

With a sigh, Remus deadpans, "Inside or outside of the bedroom?"

There is a slight pause, then, "Outside. I'm plenty aware of my talents between the sheets, thank you." There is a tiny huff from James, sitting a few feet away. Sirius unceremoniously nudges him in the side with his foot, the smirk evident in his voice even though his face is hidden. "Potter, if you're feeling jealous…" Another huff, then James shudders and walks away, undoubtedly in search of Lily.

Remus rubs his tired eyes, taking advantage of James's absence to sidle up to Sirius and rest his head on the boy's shoulder. Brushing his hair impatiently from his eyes, Sirius mutters, "James clearly knows about us, Moons. You don't have to refrain from touching me every time he walks through the bloody door." Unable to form a proper response, Remus wipes the sodding smirk off of Sirius's face with a kiss. Sirius is, to Remus's surprise, the first to pull back. He shakes his head and places his _Prophet_ down with a flourish. "Stop trying to distract me, Moony, baby. What are my talents?"

Remus takes a moment to think this through, twirling his unruly hair round and round his finger. Regrettably, Sirius notices his difficulty and starts to pout. "Oh, fuck it all, I knew-"

"You're quite the charmer," Remus interrupts him. "With the absolute _greatest_ smile and a way with words. And a great sense of humor, can't forget that..." He trails off a bit lamely as he feels his cheeks heat up considerably.

Sirius's answering sigh is bordering on pitiful. "Positive attributes and talents are two completely different animals, pet. C'mon now, think."

"You're a hell of a lot better at Transfiguration than me." When Sirius opens his mouth to retort, Remus only raises his voice, glad for the empty common room. "I fucking _know_ Peter and James are Animagi as well, Sirius, but you're better at it even than them." Sirius simply waves the compliment away, and Remus is slightly disappointed that he couldn't elicit even a blush from him.

The rest of the day, Sirius is acting positively surly, and Remus grows steadily more annoyed with him until dinner, when he finally bursts. "Sirius, what the bloody buggering fuck is _wrong_ with you today?" Everyone within earshot looks up in shock. If Remus is cursing, things _must_ be bad.

Sirius mumbles into his peas, his voice hardly decipherable, "Regulus made the Slytherin Quidditch team."

"I don't...I don't even..." Another first. Remus is, inexplicably, at a loss for words.

Treating Remus as though he is impossibly thick, Sirius looks up at him and speaks rather slowly. "He's a second year. A second year! And here we are, in our fifth year, and I've yet to do anything of _worth_!"

Resting his head in his hand, Remus just sighs and tries to keep his voice even as he answers, "Sirius, darling, you've done plenty. You're a fucking..." After a quick glance around, he sees the close attention that's been given to him by the surrounding group and decides it isn't safe to continue that thought. "You bloody know what you've accomplished, Sirius. Don't act so pitiful."

Without another word, Remus stalks out of the Great Hall. He walks straight into a Gryffindor first year and gives him detention for lollygagging, even though the child is perfectly at his leisure to do so, as it's dinnertime. He is practically seething when he reaches the dormitory, changing quickly into his pajamas, even though it's much to early to even think about going to bed. He spent all day worrying about Sirius for this? Ridiculous.

Sirius crawls into his bed much later in the evening, when the light snores of the others can be heard from all around the room. "Remus," he whispers quietly, nudging him to make sure he's awake.

Remus groans softly in reply, forcing his eyes open. "I believe I've found a solution to my problem, mate," he whispers.

Only now does Remus realize that Sirius is stark naked. "Does it involve ridiculous sex? Because, honestly, I might be a bit too annoyed with you for that." They both know that's a lie.

Sirius seems to ponder that for a moment, but then he decisively shakes his head. "No, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. I'm doing something even better, to leave a lasting mark on the school." Remus turns fully to face him, smirking when he sees the excited glint in the boy's eye.

"What, are you going to start a band, or something? Because, love, I know you've a habit of writing songs when you're drunk, but I wouldn't advise you to sing any one of them in front of a crowd."

"Ha bloody ha, Moony. No no, I'm going to do something even better than that. I'm going to learn to play Quidditch. James is going to teach me. I've already got the new CleanSweep coming in the mail." Sirius really looks proud of himself, so Remus decides to play along.

"That's great, Pads! What position are you going for?" Remus has to bite back a frown. The last time Sirius was on a broom, the Marauders were playing a quick two-on-two game. Sirius was paired with Remus, and Peter with James, because everyone had figured that Sirius would be second best to James. The game was disastrous for Sirius, who crashed into a tree, and Peter, who was nearby.

"I'm going to play Seeker," Sirius says triumphantly, apparently having forgotten all about that day. "I'm trying for the team next year."

Remus can hardly sleep for the nightmares that ensue.

**End of Chapter One! I hope you all like it, it's been a while since I've written anything that this...fluffy. **


	2. Deal

**Don't Rain on My Parade**

**Chapter Two: Teacher**

**Sirius begs James to coach him in Quidditch. James is…reluctant. Warnings: language and overload cute.**

"No."

"Come _on _James, you're the only one I trust to do it." Sirius Black is literally on hands and knees in front of James, much to the amusement of the gathering crowd.

"Absolutely _not, _Pads. I'm not taking that risk." There is an amused edge to his tone, but he maintains a perfectly straight face as he says it, and quickly returns to his favorite pastime of trying to catch Lily's eye from across the room.

"Oh please, Prongsie," he begs, the nickname succeeding in making James blanch, as always, "you sound just like Remus. I promise I'll be safe, I won't get myself hurt."

James's bark of a laugh could even rival Sirius's. "It's not _you _I'm worried about, you prat, it's everyone in the immediate area." He subconsciously scoots away from Sirius, the mere memory of Sirius on a broom enough to make him feel queasy. "Actually, I'm more worried for myself than anyone else, at this point." Completely unaffected, Sirius crawls forward and wraps his arms around James's leg, choking on a pretty convincing sob.

It's convincing, that is, until James forces his head back and spots the massive smirk on his face. "Sirius, the answer is sodding no, alright? Now, off you trot." He returns to his Transfiguration essay, blatantly ignoring the boy still wrapped around his leg. The crowd slowly ebbs away, losing interest, but Sirius hasn't given up just yet.

He pulls James off his chair and onto the floor, unnervingly close to himself, in fact. He leans in conspiratorially, whispering in James's ear. "What if I told you Lily would kiss you if you taught me? Deal?" This makes James pause for a moment, but he quickly narrows his eyes and shakes his head.

"You can't...oh, just sod off, Sirius, you know I'm not going to buy that one." Only now does he realize that he and Sirius are sitting under the table, entirely too close. "No deal," he whispers with finality, nodding, fully convinced that he can't be swayed at this point.

The insufferable flirt that he is, Sirius leans in and bats his lashes. Suddenly, his breath is hot on James's ear, eliciting a blush from him that he doesn't care to admit to. "Okay, that may be true, I can't get her to kiss you." He takes a moment to think, resting his head on James's shoulder. The head slowly rises a few seconds later, a wild grin on the boy's face. "Fine. _I'll_ kiss you then, git." He holds up his hand to ward off James's protests, continuing before there's a chance for interruption. "And Lily will see it and she'll be so _bloody _turned on that she'll just have to join us."

Just then, James spots a pair of feet just on the other side of the table, facing the dormitory stairs. They're frozen in place and James has a good idea who they might belong to. He takes a moment to process the situation, frozen underneath the table, caught in the act of possibly _flirting_ with Sirius Bloody Fucking Black. "Fine then, deal. But, only if Remus approves."

On the word "deal", Remus sighs very quietly and starts to lean toward the steps, having heard enough. It takes him a moment to register James's condition. "Of course I'm alright with it, you git. As long as that's all it is. After all, I want to see my Sirius..." He sighs wearily and rubs a hand over his face, squatting down to look under the table and locking his gaze with Sirius's. "...happy." He leans in to kiss Sirius on the cheek, then seems to think better of it, straightening back up and walking stiffly to the dormitory.

Anger at Remus wells up in Sirius, for no reason that he can comprehend. "Right, deal." He grabs James's hand and shakes it. "And, to seal it..." He grabs the front of James's robes in both fists and pulls him forward, crashing their lips together. It isn't particularly nice, James thinks. It's full of biting teeth and tongue and Sirius's sudden, fierce anger. No, it isn't particularly nice. But when it's over, James's swollen lips feel cold, and it's all he can do to keep from pulling Sirius back in.

Sirius feels a curious, warm sensation well up inside of him. One that is usually reserved for Remus. Too weary to think about the implications of that, he tilts his head to the side and grins at James's shocked faces, glasses hanging lopsidedly on his face.

Sirius's lips are still impossibly close to James's. He blushes fiercely and murmurs. "Er...right then. Practice starts...I dunno, tomorrow? Yes. Tomorrow." He nods rapidly, forcing himself to shut the fuck up.

Because he can't seem to help himself, Sirius leans in and growls in James's ear before disappearing off to the dormitory, "Deal."


End file.
